THEN AND NOW: the puddings equation

wala ra diay na usab.
na-pun-an lang.

kung na pun-an, mausab ba?
naay napu-an nga dili mausab?

naa...kami. :)

it's just that you can't do anything perfectly.

i was frustrated again. on how we are becoming really uncomfortable with the dancing. but i need to make him sleep and dream. i was frustrated and tired. but i had enough love. i made him sleep and dream.

my frustration (or Basquiat-inspired erik who came up to me) led me to remember her again and be moved by her thoughts -- on raising up children.

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Agnes Martin: It's just that you can't do anything perfectly. Anything. You can't bring up children perfectly.

Joan Simon: Your grandfather, with whom you lived for a time as a youngster, sounds like an exception.

AM: He tried to be a good man. He believed in not interfering with children. He didn't talk to them. But you knew that he liked you. He never criticized or made suggestions. You led a free life.

JS: Did he lead by his example? By what he did in his life?

AM: No. As a matter of fact, my grandfather believed that God looked after children. And that it was none of his business. Anyway, it made for a good life, I can tell you. Freedom.

JS: Freedom, as a kid, to do what?

AM: Freedom from criticism, from suggestions. That really made for freedom. I mean he didn't even correct little children. He believed in children expressing their own potential.

JS: Was your mother like your grandfather?

AM: Yes, my mother followed his example. Anyone looking on would have thought she was indifferent. But she really believed in noninterference.

JS: She also supported the family.

AM: She redid houses and sold them. She brought up four children, although she was small.

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that line hit me: "although she was small". and now, i'll be fine. :)

usa na ka bulan.

my life used to be, even as a wife, was pretty much lazy. i just sleep and dream for as long as i want and nobody cared. i eat whatever there is on the table, or occasionally, i bug my whale to bring me what im craving. i wore clothes, spoil them, and when i want to wear them again, they're good as brand new. as a mother, i take care of my zaiid's bathtime, storytime and yumyum time. that's it. and we played like crazy. i wanted things and i get them. i was a brat-wife-mother.

in a snap, the force of reality pushes me like the way you push that cleaning brush into the tiny milk bottle hole. well, that kind of annoying push, or some other kind is how i became my potential. i can't make excuses, i can't call whoever so i could take seconds just to pee. i can't just sleep or eat or take a bath whenever i want. there is a little man who so needs me like every after 5mins! and he wants to walk, run, go and check up the washing machine, go eat things, throw things, whine, cry, all he wishes. and i need to breathe because if i don't, i die. he loved his dvds. that's when i can prepare his food and chat. i mastered multitasking and expanded my creativity.

im bragging about my life. how i have all the time in the world with my zaiid. being in his big moments like walking for the first time. im bragging about my whale who made so much out of his love to complete our home. :) im bragging about how i take care of my boys. :)

things i gained:
1. kabaw nako mo luto (lami baya way burit)
2. kabaw nako mamlansa
3. muscles sa bukton (siguro. sa kinugos sa akong anak)
4. my voice improved (pakanta pirmi zaiid gud)
5. dry skin, lips, eyes, nose, elbows. yuck.
6. samad-samad sa kamot (nadaut sa hugas)
7. migo mi sa oras
8. patience (stretchable)
9. downloading
10. multitasking
11. new talent: kaon wala's oras
12. tinud-anay nga balay-balay.

and oh, im also bragging about my gloves that fit so well! sa pinas, wala juy inani ka gamya! :)

dula-dula. balay-balay.

ignoring zaiid's wake up call: poking our eyes. changing diapers. poo mess. baby einstein. old mcdonald had a farm. bathtime, a big mess. taputingkoy taputingkoy. rubberducky. running out of time. not so early morning stroll. yum yum! trying to take a bath. dagan-dagan. read book na! garbage time ni papa. hugas bibiron si mama. sterilize bibiron. butang tubig bibiron. hurot napud gatas. hurot napud diaper. laba. hayhay. sarah mclachlan. eisley. coldplay. sleepy zaiid. sayaw. pikpik. gutom nako. lunch at 3pm. dinner at 9pm. sleep na bibol. multiply check. edit pics. upload pics. hulat dwynn. tan-aw HEROES. family guy. chat. hulat dwynn. dli na mada, duka na gyud. sleep beside zaiid. dwynn namukaw, abot na. kaon. hugas bibiron. sterilize. laba. tulog...