we love PhotoBooth!

my litol potpot

when he kisses you: priceless.

gigil face!

My boys rub their sleepy eyes at the tick of 3. It is a harder case on my part since I need to jump from one bed to another just to see if they're doing alright. I usually just put the little brother with his milk (he's fine with that) while I pat the big brother to sleep (still can't sleep without Mama beside him). I just make sure that I can see Akii's feet movements.

But then right when Zaiid has fallen asleep, Akii gets up, peeps through the pillow and brings me a big smile. Suddenly he's no longer sleepy. So I let him be. He get's a thirty minute playtime solo in their play area. Happiness.

This little boy loves cars as much as his kuya. He particularly liked the fat green BAO car. Or any black or red cars. He loves them so much that he can't help but gigiiiiil them forever! Just look at the pattern of his pictures - hold a car, smile for mama, then gigiiiiil! Haha he's terribly so amusing I can't keep my gigil back at him.

Soon, he becomes uneasy, starts to cry. At 4 o'clock Akii sleeps happily.

School Field Trip letter

It's just funny to get a letter to parents for the first time. It's a funny feeling because I'm already part of a school-parent relationship which I thought was a very grown up matter. I still don't feel much of a grown up. But at the same time it made me realize that my baby is already starting to be independent from me and creating his little adventure all on his own. I'm sure my little shoolboy would be thrilled to join his first school field trip.

Dear Parents,

This coming Monday, October 5, we will be taking the N-3 and N-2 on a trip to Dubai Aauarium and Underwater Zoo at Dubai Mall. The N-3 and N-2 will be taking a tour of the aquarium and underwater zoo as well as attending the Ocean School Education Program.

Should you permit your child to join the field trip, please duly complete and sign the permission slip below and return to us on or before Sunday, October 4. Children without permission slips will not be alllowed to join the field trip.

Thank you for your cooperation.

With best regards,

DLSM Management

The little you.

I can't believe you're turning 1 year old next month! Just look at you, wearing that old shirt as you had it back when you were still 4mos old. You still don't want to eat full solid meals - I just can't make you because you were never glued to a movie and can care less if a spoon is coming in your mouth. Your brother was like that. And I thought it would be easier when I have you since you're my "second time". I should be able to master taking care of you, right?

By this time, I should realize no siblings are alike. You know what you want, you shout at us when we don't seem to get what you mean. You are aggressive in a cute way and you never want to wait. Even your big brother endures your little face pinchings and eye pokings. Because you are adorable and you are our littlest.

Yes I did fear of having a small child. I don't want somebody to be like me. But then again, I should know better. After all, you are my son. Asa pa man diay ka maliwat? Thank you for choosing me so you can be yourself...

The little you is my grandest story yet. I love you my Akiipotpot.

"hi mama, love you!"

I was washing my boys' milk bottles when my 3yo pulled a chair beside me, came up to me and said...

"Hi mama, love you!"

I hugged him so tight that it tickled him. I said i love you's a hundred times so he'd know I love him more than he can imagine. He makes me feel I am the most important person in the world. He never miss a day to make me realize that I am doing more than ok with taking care of our little family. That it's ok to be tired sometimes. Or that it's ok to run out of patience sometimes. Becaue at the end of each day we're all happy to be with each other - whole and fulfilled.

a pretty normal thing.

Am I a bad mother when I lose my temper? Am I a bad mother when at a split second I am about explode in fiery annoyance and then just ignore an endless whining and wailing altogether? Am I not doing a good job if my preschooler skips a meal, only wants hotdogs and yogurt? Am I not entitled to a perfect poise and grace and possess the longest patience? Sometimes I wish I can scream.

Some say these are just part of being a typical mother. I am just being a normal mother then. I am having a pretty normal young motherhood phase.

X Out Cervical Cancer!

I got my second dose of HPV vaccine today. My left arm is nagging in soreness and the need to spread the word on the importance of this vaccine is nagging equally. Every woman deserves a chance against cervical cancer so get protected now. Love your life.

Find out more on how to Help X Out Cervical Caner.

the most impossible love

"Motherhood is the most impossible love. You tell me when it ends, you tell me when it stops." - Because I Said So.

I don't think I will ever stop loving my boys, stop thinking about them, stop my heart from bursting into bits when I see them smile to me - even for that shortest moment. I am their mother forever.

imagination running wild

My 2.10yo is having weird thoughts about our ceiling lately. And they only occur when it's time to say goodnight. He no longer sleeps in his room, or if he would, he would sleep on the floor where he would bury his face with his pillow. Other times, he would request to sleep in my parents' room where he would first do a ceiling checkup.

It was crazy, seeing him cry like there was really something going on up there. He would tremble and scream while I can only assure him there's nothing to worry about and that I would never leave him and while I'm around, nothing will harm him. But I don't think he hears me. Even if I think it was all nonesense, I can't let him see that I'm taking his fears lightly and at the same time, I must be firm that his imagination is no biggie.

One night, I said hi to whatever-that's-up-there. He couldn't believe what I just did. And I declared that I am now their friend. He continued checking up the ceiling and then decided that they left. I hope I scared them away.

morning shoot

It's an early morning thing. Little brother wakes up 2 hours earlier than his big brother. Big brother wakes up and calls for his little brother. They sit while mama takes a picture. Nice way to start the morning.

i love you.

You call for my name "Mammmamamam!" while extending your arms.

You want me to carry you and sing you a song.

You give me a short gummy smile, you reach for my nose.

I love you little love magnet.

My Preschooler: Day 1

At 10am we head out to Children's Paradise Montessori School for my almost-3yo-boy's preschool summer class. I think I was nervous just by a tiny bit...ok it was a little bit more. I'm not sure what to expect. I just wanted Zaiid to enjoy his day and gain new friends.

Parents and guardians were not allowed inside their classroom unless it was time to. We were ask to hang out in the waiting room. Good thing I brought Neil and Mr. iPod. After months of book craving, I was able to read again. Still, my mind was wandering, imagining Zaiid crying, or worse - demanding for me.

An hour passed and finally I get to see my little boy. To my surprise, he wasn't even in his classroom! He went to another room, where older kids were busy doing an art activity. He was the curious and always moving one, the teachers just let him be.

I can see he accepted the the whole deal that yes he is ready for school. Observing the other students, he was the only one interested in blocks and tunnels and cars. He was always busy with things and moving around, but when he spotted me with a bright gleam on his face he asked for a bottle of milk. 

Although I was expecting more of a Playhouse kind of style where a teacher would let them do some activity together. Or painting or doing some singing. But maybe a montessori has other ways of teaching. We'll see. After all, this is still day number one.

rainbow happy me

Feeling blessed and lucky to have the most fulfilling "job" in the world: being a mother. 

I carried you for 9 months or so and everyday I get worried if my womb is good enough at all. I labored you out of sweat, screams and love, finally get literally sliced up so you could live. At the end of each day I assess my performance, and everytime it seems like there's a lot of room for improvement. I don't feel the need of an appreciation from you and yet you think I am all that matters in the world and that everything else is second to your eyes. Thank you my baby puddings.

I am proud to have two mothers, both showing different styles of loving (if there is such a term), and that reality made me twice stronger. In them I knew how deep a mother's sacrifice can go and how love can grow magnificently with grace and time. Thank you Mama and Momi for the life I have as a daughter.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers in the world.

The Blocks Tunnel

Playing with your babies is as important as letting them drink their vitamins. I love playing with my 2.9yo. Every game or toy I invent for our playtime is magic to him. Now that he loves numbers and letters, I took advantage of his blocks and built a tunnel for his cars. He totally loves it.

The irony of putting your toddler to sleep.

Just when she's ready for bed, her little boss won't close his eyes just yet. After an hour and a half he finally surrenders and accepts that it really is time to go to sleep. But poor little mama, her eyes are so very awake now that she gets up, takes the iPod and decides to blog about the irony of the bedtime routine with her 2.9yo son.

Right now, I can only think of nothing but surf until my eyeballs are dead-tired - for the second time.

ZAIIIIIIDDD!!!

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I was gone for 5minutes and this is what I found! Ohmygulaaay Zaiid!!! In 2 years time, I'd bet he wants to have a blog too.

Ang Bugoy*. Bow.

After Akii's poop wash, I brought the little guy back to the room so I can feed him his lunch. But look what I found! I caught Kuya secretly munching his little brother's meal! It was so hilarious with his crazy little grin. He can't help it, he just told me "mama! yumyum!"

*rascal

I can't go to school. (Not yet.)

After being so high and excited about everything - from finding a school that teaches dressmaking for free, getting the requirements ready, inviting my best friend to join me - I have to postpone the big plan. I still have to give a halt to my dreamy sewing projects. Simply put: I can't focus on my sewing act yet. Time won't let me. At least not in a proper school.

No worries, I'm a fast learner. I'm sure I can catch up 3 years from now. In the meantime, Plan B might just work. That is, I won't go to school which requires half a day of my time everyday but instead, will take my saturday mornings and invite my Manang to come and teach me while the babies are with their grandparents in Opon. Sounds like a plan.

Being a mother is first and foremost being a mother. Not being a creative or a crafter, or being a freelancer, or even being a wife. Being a mother is being a mother - everything else comes in second even if you are itching to becoming... more of being yourself.

But having said that, I realize being who I am to my boys is the greatest accomplishment of being ME has achieved. What can I say, my babies come first.