Manona's here!

More exciting days coming up! Manona stays for 15 days to spend some quality time with her apos (and of course help their mother learn how to cook better haha!).

just the 4 of us

nothing rocks better than familylove :)

i need help

I am in need of a Yaya again.

Being a full-time mother of two (2yo and 2mo boys) is my ultimate dream role for my family. I know a lot of working mothers wished they could be in my shoes - being with our kids whole day is rewarding indeed but never a guarantee of a smooth-sailing trip. Everyday is a challenge and you learn bits of life lessons. The disciplining is hands-on for your growing terrible-two spurting tantrums here and there, and the caring for a new baby is as fragile as life itself.

I don't really mind if I don't get the perfect nanny for my kids or the super all-around helper. I just want a help that lasts... for 5years at least? Yes, I am frustrated but I can't control who comes and who goes. For now, I will have to do with my own powers and a great amount of help from the heavens. After all, this is parenting.

Akii turns 2months old

Last November 15 marks his second month as my little puddingprince. He is a handful little bugger which makes me want to eat and swallow him back in my belly. Smelling him is making me high. There is no scent in the world that is so sweet as his. He talks back with his little coos and smiles and wrinkles his nose... and I can't get enough of his bright round eyes! Baby Akii Love, you are our sunshine.

Our official lullaby songs are The Beatles' Yellow Submarine and You are My Sunshine.

our time off

I felt that my 2.4yo son neened some time off from his home routine. The mall is not an option because he'd end up getting a new toy car and drowning in milk in his stroller. We opted for the beach!

With just the two of us, (sort of. We hitched from my mother's Thanksgiving Day Out for her staff at El Salvador Beach Resort) my little adventurer spoke new words, discovered the patterns of the waves, burried a car with his sandpit, meeting a cat-friend. He was at his best - giving out smiles, playing by the poolside, discovering (and this time walking) on his feet on the sand.

When it was time to go, he happily ran to the car as if saying "I missed you car!" Haha! Maybe we should do this more often.

let's go to sleep

Getting my precious me-time, 2-3 hours a day (every afternoon) means a lot to me. It's when I can come face to face with my laptop,  or plan a week's budget, or just chat away with my friends without a 2.4yo mister who wants to see himself in PhotoBooth over and over again. This is when my eldest gets an afternoon nap, my time of peace and quiet.

Putting Zaiid to bed is a tedious job and it takes skill and there's no way anybody can put him to bed. He'll have a list of things to do before he's finally off to dreamland: 

1. read-me-a-book "gen! gen!" translates to "again". This includes about 5 favorite books until he's settled for his Cars: old, new, red, blue.
2. "man!" - requests a bottle of milk 2-3 times in a row.
   
3. sing-me-a-song "gen! gen!" 
4. or draw-me-a-(spider, car, bridge, fish)

Yes, it takes patience and full commitment. Well, that's part of the parenting package isn't it? Despite our bedtime routine, I feel this is the best time we bond together. We crack some tickles here and there, giving me hugs, wet-kisses all over... and calls me with the sweetest voice. He's not trading one moment of bedtime with mama. One more story, he turns his back on me, with one hand on my shoulder and one leg on my body, he snores happily.

thank you for the mother i am today.

Happy Mother's Day to the wonderful Mothers in my life :)
You made me what I am today.

To my Momi - who is so full of spirit and hope. You have raised me well by your imperfections, by your wisdom, the Truth you believe in. Thank you for loving me as your own flesh and blood. I am forever grateful Mi, that you have chosen to love me.

To my Mama - who's strength i admire. You have sacrificed for my future and indeed you know what's best for me, for us. In giving me up, thank you for not leaving... In staying away, thank you for being there. Thank you Ma, for being part of my life.

To my MamaZen - who's grace and simplicity inspire me. Thank you for giving us your blessing, for welcoming me in your home. I am forever grateful for being your first daughter.

my boys

This is pure bliss. Seeing them wrap around each other's arms in deep slumber. These are the boys that changed my life, making it worth-living, making me feel like I'm the most important human being in the world...

ZAIID turns a little older

I admire my boy. The way he picks up a game, or when puts on a show when everybody's watching him, and how he understands simple rules around the house. He breaks them once in a while, on purpose, watches us intently as we say "No, Zaiid..." then comes to us with his I'm-sorry-face plus a 5-second hug. So dramatic.

He's learning words one at a time. He wants to say them perfectly that he would make his little nose lisngag in the process. His vocabulary includes new words like "Min" for milk, "Fava" for flower, "Bas" for blocks, "Cok" for clock, "Pish" for fish. He points, without a miss, to whatever object you'd ask him to from his favorite book of the month. I would want to think his brilliance can save the world, but that would just be a pure mother's pride.

At 22 months old, he's overweight (on a diet) but has not mastered the art of chewing, he's TV proof but knows what youtube is, doesn't like to dance, but has a good taste in music, loves anything watery - water dispenser, taking a bath, the sea, but hates drinking his water, loves to jump up and down or turning around until the world wouldn't stop turning, throws things in different ways and expects a different result, mimics his papa's acrobats and "magic" like a pro.

please! my baby is sick!

last tuesday zaiid was diagnosed with rotavirus - the most common cause of diarrhea among children. As deadly as it sounds, the doctor assured us it's nothing serious. But that didn't help when all you see is your baby vomiting and pooping every hour.

It started sunday night when my little boy started throwing up an hour after he had his milk. we thought maybe he was just too full. Knowing zaiid, he has a habit of playing how far he can fill up his tummy.

when i got home monday night, a woman came up to me and said, "your boy, he's not feeling well today." she said he wasn't himself and that he looked tired. oh no, this is not good. yaya greeted me with the same phrase "zaiid is not feeling well". zaiid looked at me with clear eyes and said "mama..." he was not feeling right but still he managed to greet me. it broke my heart. he's now having loose motions. he was irritable and always wanted to be in the computer with no other person in the world but me, he doesn't want to read his books, and he didn't want to be disturbed while holding his red toy car.

we had to go to the clinic, a 10minute walk from our home, the following day. i was nervous and i knew they might ask for the dreaded blood sample. i was hoping it had something to do with the milk... maybe he didn't like his milk anymore, when i was 5mos. pregnant with him he decided he didn't like the prenatal milk im taking so i got an upset stomach... i was telling myself and dwynn it's going to be alright. then the doctor announced that there is no medicine for the virus. he had to heal himself. "Shucks Lord tabang." yes they asked for a blood test but failed to have it because they couldn't find zaiid's vein. then they injected him with something to stop the vomiting. i hope that makes sense.

by 4pm, we packed zaiid's essentials. we had to go to the nearest hospital and confine him and get proper treatment. the hospital behind our place didn't take zaiid in because he's no longer an infant. goodness! so we had to wait for half an hour for a taxi to get to another hospital. we had to wait for yaya who was on the other side waiting for a taxi, but the driver complained "not good my friend, you are wasting my time. my time will be over!" i snapped backed "please! my baby is sick!" and dwynn added "please man! we need to get to the hospital, our baby is sick" but the driver shouted to us "that's not my problem! my time! my time!" then i just replied in whisper "well. your time is not our problem".

when we got to the second hospital, the doctor said there is no need for an admittance. our baby is fighting the virus, it shows because he still fights back when the doctor touches him, he still got tears when he cries, and statement that made us smile "don't worry your baby is big. he still got lots of 'extras' in him".

yesterday, he turned 1yr9months old. he was up and running, smiling and throwing i-want-to-watch-a-movie tantrums. thank You Lord for answering our prayer fast, and big thanks to our families and friends who prayed with us.

storytime

zaiid and i treasure our storytime - it's our lovelovelove time. but before we begin, let me take a photo of us. i just can't get enough of me and you...

it's just that you can't do anything perfectly.

i was frustrated again. on how we are becoming really uncomfortable with the dancing. but i need to make him sleep and dream. i was frustrated and tired. but i had enough love. i made him sleep and dream.

my frustration (or Basquiat-inspired erik who came up to me) led me to remember her again and be moved by her thoughts -- on raising up children.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Agnes Martin: It's just that you can't do anything perfectly. Anything. You can't bring up children perfectly.

Joan Simon: Your grandfather, with whom you lived for a time as a youngster, sounds like an exception.

AM: He tried to be a good man. He believed in not interfering with children. He didn't talk to them. But you knew that he liked you. He never criticized or made suggestions. You led a free life.

JS: Did he lead by his example? By what he did in his life?

AM: No. As a matter of fact, my grandfather believed that God looked after children. And that it was none of his business. Anyway, it made for a good life, I can tell you. Freedom.

JS: Freedom, as a kid, to do what?

AM: Freedom from criticism, from suggestions. That really made for freedom. I mean he didn't even correct little children. He believed in children expressing their own potential.

JS: Was your mother like your grandfather?

AM: Yes, my mother followed his example. Anyone looking on would have thought she was indifferent. But she really believed in noninterference.

JS: She also supported the family.

AM: She redid houses and sold them. She brought up four children, although she was small.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

that line hit me: "although she was small". and now, i'll be fine. :)

letting go of MOOD

i just had a chat with drulz and he told me the band's plan. it sounds fair but...

dear MOOD - we've had great and sour times together and i loved them all. i will miss you terribly. i will miss your crowd. will miss your spotlight. i will miss the excitement and some of your tantrums. but maybe you need to grow. maybe i need to let you go so you can rock and fly. go mood. i will be behind you, writing songs like crazy even if i can't sing them anymore. i will tell stories of you to my little zaiid. you will make him smile, or puke. but that doesn't matter. he will remember you. i will remember us. i am sorry if it took me so long to accept that you had to 'restart' without me. but now i know. letting you go is giving you your fire.

it's time for me to stop. and sing for zaiid alone...